today we are healthy

My kid is healthy.  Are there 4 more important words in the world?  It is easy to forget what things could be like when you have a healthy child.  You find other things to worry about like bills and what you are going to cook for dinner.  In my life, I have watched a 16-month-old baby boy’s casket be lowered into the ground.  I’ve watched little bodies lose fights against cancer.  I’ve read stories about brain tumors, down syndrome, and a countless other health problems I CAN NOT IMAGINE my child going through.  A handful of my high school class mates have lost their babies anywhere from 1 month old to a year old.  I remind myself everyday to be thankful for the health of my little girl because that is all that is important in this world.  My student loan can wait.  Dinner can wait.  These precious moments with my girl can’t.  I remind myself of this as I climb into my baby’s crib at 3am because she wants to play and explore instead of sleep.

I came across a quote today “ I hope my children look back on today And remember a mother who had time for play. There will be years for cleaning and cooking ‘Cause children grow up when we’re not looking.“

So many times I go over in my head how I wished I spent more time with my Brother when he was alive.  I wish we had made so many more memories than I have of him.  It is important to me that I make memories — real, true memories — with those that matter the most.  I know that years from now Tanami isn’t going to remember how I would build a fort for her in the living room on rainy days.  She isn’t going to recall the time I looked at her tear stained face and decided to leave the dishes in the sink and take her to play on the swings instead.  She won’t, but I will.  My child is healthy…today.  That doesn’t mean she is going to wake up tomorrow in the same condition.  It’s easy to think that bad things can’t happen to you or your family.  But bad things seem to follow us around like a dark cloud over my family…and for once I want to be one step ahead.

I never want to be that parent that puts their work before their family.  If the words “There isn’t time” fall out of my mouth in response to a request from my girl I hope they are used so sparingly.  I hope that I always remember that the time I spend with my family is worth more than any paid bill, happy client, or clean house any day of the week.  Today, my family is healthy, and I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.

how much does laziness cost?

It is no secret we live a frugal lifestyle to pave a smooth future.  While there are plenty of hard days, sometimes I am able to sit back and reflect on the positives.  I can feel myself being moulded into a better person because of the sacrifices we make.  One of the more recent lessons I’ve discovered is the value of active living.  Of all the characteristics a person can possess, I can’t help but feel that laziness is the worst.  It can cost you so much in life.  I’m not speaking solely of money, either.  Laziness can cost you in so many areas of your life.

The most obvious – Laziness can cost you tons of money.  Whether it is the fact that you can’t be bothered to budget, or you’d rather get rid of something than sell it back for a profit…it costs you money.  Just some life examples:

- When you are moving house:  SELL your items (unless, of course, you are wealthy enough that you can donate them to people less fortunate, but for this exercise, we’ll be pretending that everyone is in the same boat as us — who are not that fortunate).  Start a couple of weeks/months early and start selling your big ticket items that you can do without for a while.  Then, have a yard sale closer to your move date.  Don’t let laziness take over here either…take whatever doesn’t sell to be donated — someone can benefit from it.  TAKE things with you.  Take whatever you possibly can that you feel you will benefit from.  Don’t fall into the “I’ll just buy a new one”, when you are happy with what you already have but are just too lazy to bother disconnecting it or moving it.

- Eating while at work: So much money gets spent on eating out while on your lunch break.  Take the time to make your lunch before going to work in the morning and you will save $$.  Also, take drinks/snacks from home and keep them with you at work…it’s much cheaper than Mr. Vending machine.

- Do it yourself.  Why hire someone to do a project if you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself?  If you aren’t, well that’s another story.  Why are you paying someone to mow your lawn, clean your house, or wash your car?  You tube tutorials are amazing when it comes to teaching you how to do things you don’t know how to do.  I saved $150 by using one to replace a crack iphone screen – works like a charm.  I used one to repair our XBox360 with the red ring of death.  I’ll be using one to learn to sew for a plethora of reasons.  I admit though, we do take this to an extreme….we even towed our own car once just to avoid the $70 tow charge.  The next time you are going to pay someone to do something, just ask yourself whether it is something you can do yourself.

- When shopping: LOOK for coupons, sales, deals, specials, etc.  They are everywhere and generally don’t take too much effort.  When you are grocery shopping, take the time to make a list of what you need so as to avoid any impulse buying.  Compare prices on big ticket items.  Don’t just buy the first thing you see because you don’t feel like looking anymore.  If you can buy something cheaper than where ever you happen to be at the time, go there.  Find old/broken things and fix them up.

- When it comes to babies/kids: Use cloth diapers!!  We spent $200 on diapers from birth-4 months.  We’ve just sold them for exactly what we paid.  We also use cheap face washers as wipes…so with the exception of the one pack of disposables we bought for a trip, we’ve diapered our kid for free so far.  Make your kids toys.  I have seen some of the most awesome play things from cardboard pirate ships to homemade cards that only take a little time and imagination – your kids don’t care that they aren’t perfect.  Repair things when they get broken or damaged instead of immediately heading out to buy a new one.

These are just a few examples of how laziness can cost you money, but really…there are an infinite amount.  But money isn’t the only thing it can cost you.  How about your health?

- Eating: Yes, fast food is easier, but certainly not healthier.  Plan ahead.  Spend some time on your day off and make some healthy meals to freeze so you can just heat them up before you go to work or as soon as you get home — it will take less time than going through the drive through (the heating part, anyway).  Research: do you have any idea what you are putting into your body?

- Exercise: Get off the couch and get moving!!!  There are plenty of workout routines that only take 10 minutes…surely you can spare 10 minutes!!  Park at the back of the parking lot and walk in (not so much fun in the rain though).  Walk/bike somewhere when possible.  Take the stairs.  Play with your pet/kids.  Join a gym or free group.

- Your kid’s health:  Do you know what you are putting into their bellies?  What about on their skin?  Are you taking the time to make sure you have the most up to date information on car seats, medication, re-calls?  Your kid is too important to be too lazy to research things…and ignorance is no excuse.  Are you using the TV as a baby-sitter?  Do your kids remember who you are, or have they forgotten because you can’t make time for them (mainly those who do not live with their kids)?

Laziness can cost you relationships.

- Marriage: NEWS FLASH…it takes work to keep a marriage going!!!  This is one relationship where laziness can really get you.  You’ve got to get creative, have date nights, share responsibilities, continue to show each other you care, and take care of yourself!

- Friendships: People change, but that doesn’t mean that friendships have to.  Friendships also take work to keep them going.  If you get lazy and don’t put any effort into talking to each other, or being there for each other, then friendships start to wane.  Also, if there are disagreements or fights, laziness can cause you to just give up on a friendship, which you might regret later.

- Family: Whether it is taking the time to go to your kid’s ball games, or calling your Mother…take the time to do these things.  Many people get lazy with their relationships with their families and take them for granted.  You really don’t know how long you’ll have that person in your life, so don’t let laziness steal any precious memory you could be making with that person.

Laziness can cost you your job, reputation, credibility, material possessions, and ultimately, your life.  The list goes on and on.  So I ask…what’s laziness costing you?

life beyond your back yard

This morning while I was sillily singing to my baby girl she stared intently at my face and gave me the biggest most beautiful smile and I could literally feel my insides beaming with happiness.  She was smiling just for me.  More importantly, she was actually looking at me which is only something that she’s started to do on a frequent basis yesterday.  Sure, every parent looks for those milestones, but for us…we worry a little bit more than we should because of how long my hypothyroidism went untreated.  Developmental delays and impairments are a possibility, so I’m sure every time she reaches a milestone on time we will breathe a sigh of relief.  While I have a perfect beautiful little girl at the end of it all, I can’t help but still feel anger towards the Dr. that missed it.

Sometimes I wonder if we should have waited to have a child until we returned to the states…but then I am reminded of how much Australia has changed my soul and I find it is appropriate that she came into our lives just when she did.  Australia showed me that life was still beautiful after the death of my Brother had destroyed everything, and Tanami reminds me every day that there is a reason for me to get up every morning.  She’s my perfect little Aussie souvenir.

A comment on my last post really got me thinking…the comment was “The good thing about all these changes are that they do really make you think about what is really necessary and what you can do without.”  I have such a new appreciation for life after being here in Oz.  It’s really something you can’t understand until you experience it.

I’m different.  I think more about the environment and what impact I have on it.  I’ve come to appreciate the things we do in Australia to conserve resources.

I appreciate the 5-10 minutes of daydreaming I get while I stand at the sink washing dishes.  Before I came here I just chucked the dishes in the dishwasher and never gave it a second thought that not everyone has that luxury.

I appreciate the warm summer sun on my skin while I hang the clothes out on the line.  I love the way the wind blows the smell of fresh laundry in my face.  Of course, I am not really a fan of it raining while my clothes are still out on the line…but I see the universe’s humor.

I appreciate the fresh air that fills my house when the windows are open on a beautiful day.  I cherish the few hours of sunshine that warm our house in the morning hours of winter.  I’m thankful that it’s just cool enough inside during the winter to spend time cuddling under blankets with my little family.

I appreciate the fact that it takes no more time to recycle here than it does to throw things in the trash can.  I love that I have the chance to be creative with ways to reuse things vs. just throwing them out.  I feel like we get every possible use out of everything we have and nothing really goes to waste.

Are dishwashers, central heat/air, dryers necessary?  Nope.  I’ve lived perfectly happy without them.  While I will welcome them all back into my life with open arms, I will be more conservative & appreciative of them because they are luxuries and not neccessities.

I’m different.  I’ve found peace in the simple things.

I’ve watched my baby girl be just as content (and cute) wearing a hand-me-down onesie as she was wearing a brand new pretty dress.

I’ve found that a small paid off little car can get you somewhere just as easily as a big expensive gas-guzzler.

I’ve found comfort in a small one bedroom cottage where I had no closet space, a two burner camper stove, and no bathtub.

I’ve realized that the world does not need to know every move I make, and a cell phone does not belong glued to my hand.  I make maybe a total of 5 calls a month…and it feels SO amazing to know that someone can not reach me every second of the day.

I enjoy using my skills I learned in school.  I appreciate the chance to have my kitchen, bathroom, and laundry designs in over 50 homes in Canberra.  I’ve learned what it means to start a business on your own, and how to appreciate work when it’s available.  I take great comfort in knowing that if something ever happened to my husband that I could support myself and children on my own.

Big houses, expensive cars, nice clothes, self-indulging…it’s great for some, but it doesn’t impress me.

I’m different.  I’ve learned to find beauty in the world around me.

I’ve fed a wild kangaroo with a Joey in her pouch.  I’ve hand fed wild parrots that perched on my arm.  I saved a dried out starfish.

I’ve seen some of the most beautiful beaches in the world.

I’ve watched the sun rays light the tops of mountains from my street.

I’ve watched mobile soup kitchens set up in the middle of the city, but very rarely do I ever see a homeless person walking the streets.

I’ve seen the bluest skies, and the most stunning landscape almost daily.

I’m at peace with the fact that I can be happy without trying, and when I’m not I can learn from what brings me sadness.

Beauty is all around, but it’s been more abundant now than ever before.

These changes that I have been introduced to by breaking my comfort zone and embracing what is not my “norm” have made me a more appreciative, more compassionate, happier, deeper soul and for that I am extremely grateful.  I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything.  I hope that once we achieve Mat’s citizenship (2 years after returing to the states) that we can possibly make England our next adventure because we can live there because of Mat’s family as well. Everyone has their necessities in life…and they vary from person to person.  For us, we just need each other and hope that our sense of adventure never fades.  Everything else just falls in place.

50% in 2 years

One of our on-going greatest accomplishments is the paying off of this monstrosity known as my student loan.  We made a goal: do whatever it takes to pay off this loan in 4 years.  I’m happy to report that we are right on track with having paid off 50% of it in the first two years.  We’ve now got $60,000 more to go and 2 years left to pay it.  I constantly hear about people who are in far less debt than we are who have trouble paying it off….and by far less I mean they owe like $25K-30K.  I even read something about a lady who was considering an abortion because she couldn’t afford to buy a new family car that would hold another person (seriously?!?!)  Living on a budget is not out of reach for anyone.  It is not always a walk in the park, of course not, but it is not impossible.  So here’s how we’ve been doing it for the last two years….without compromising many comforts or adventures.

*First we made a budget.  We made a list of all of our monthly bills, made sure we had enough to pay all of those, and then everything else was diverted to the loan & savings.  One of our “bills” is an allowance for each of us.  This allowance covers things like coffees, makeup, lunches, going to the movies, etc…whatever little “extras” we want.  You still need to allow yourself some of these little things.

*We live off one income and put the other towards the loan.  We live off whatever income happens to be the highest at the time and we automatically put the second income towards the loan and savings.  In the states we each had a checking account…one of them was used for living expenses, and the other was kept empty – the loan was paid as soon as payday came.

*No credit cards.  We had one credit card in the states that we used to buy groceries only to rack up the rewards points to get free $$…we paid it off every month and still stuck with the monthly allowance for groceries.

*No car payments.  We did not/do not own a new car.  We don’t really see any point in owning a car with a car payment.  For us, it’s just something that gets us from A to B, hopefully in one piece.

*Lived cheap.  We downsized for our “posh” apartment in an expensive part of town to a less wonderful apartment 5 minutes from both of our jobs (when we lived in the states).  We found it was safer and more friendly there than in the expensive apartment anyway.  Since being in Oz, we live in a granny flat in the back of a friend’s property…it’s quaint, but comfortable and it is the cheapest place we will ever find while we live in the most expensive city in the country.  We buy the store brands on groceries….and utilize the “dollar shops” on things like cleaning supplies, trash bags, and various items.  We reuse as much as we can, and we try not to be wasteful with anything.  We watch for specials and stock up on things when they go on sale.  We don’t really do the coupon thing…but it’s not a bad idea either.

*Gifts.  When it came time for presents, we would go somewhere or do something that both of us could enjoy.  We went camping on the beach, spent a night at a garden resort, made trips to TX & TN, and played tourist by going to things like the aquarium/zoo etc.  We didn’t really need any more material things, and this way we both benefited since we only had limited funds for gifts.

*Entertainment.  We invested in things we could do at home for cheap.  Our first christmas, before we started paying off the loan, was a splurge – and I had gotten Mat a second hand Xbox360 which allowed us something to do at home for cheap.  We spent hours playing together.  We also had lots of games we had gotten from the parents for xmas as well.  We are quite lucky in the sense that we get a lot of joy out of really simple things like going to the park or a museum.  Since being in Australia, everything is pretty much free so we have gotten to do HEAPS.  Just moving here and experiencing a new place and culture has been an adventure most people don’t get to experience at all.  We don’t really feel like we miss out on much as far as being able to go and do…the only thing I think we really realize we miss out on is going out to dinner with people.  We did have to turn down quite a few invites in the past.  Now though, I find I’d rather a nice dinner at home than going out anyway.  Especially here in Oz where the service absolutely SUCKS.

*Clothes.  This is something we have sacrificed on.  We don’t really buy clothes unless we absolutely need them.  Luckily, all of my clothes fit from pre-pregnancy, so I don’t have much to worry about there.  I always kept a rather classic wardrobe so I don’t have to worry about something not being “in style”.  I actually find that I have too many clothes and I am going to have to get rid of some before hauling it all back over to the states.  I do admit, new clothes will be one of the first things we buy when this loan is paid for.

*Life with a baby.  We are now faced with a new challenge of raising a baby on a budget.  First, we utilize the natural free booby juice from mom and save on the cost of tinned formula.  Not only free, but they best thing you can feed your baby.  Secondly, we use modern cloth diapers.  Initially they can be quite pricey to start up, but we managed to get our entire stash for just under $200….being that one pack of “nappies” here costs about $30 (on sale), we are going to be saving alot of money while we are here by using them.  Everything else for baby girl was either a gift or second hand.  I didn’t see any purpose of buying things brand new when we were only going to be here for a few months.

*Luxuries.  There are things that just make life easier (and in this day and age it seems impossible to do without them).  We have a cell phone…but we don’t have a “plan” here…we just use pre-pay since we don’t really use the phone that much.  I don’t think I could have gotten away with that in the states, but since I don’t know as many people here, I just don’t need it.  While I have an iphone, I don’t have it connected – it’s not a necessity and we get by with just the standard plain and simple phone.  Internet – this is included in our rent as we share our landlord’s, but even if it wasn’t we would probably have to invest in it.  Beer – Mat gets one case of beer a month – It’s $45 a case here!  This isn’t really a necessity, but Mat works hard and sacrifices a lot for my silly loan, so it’s a simple compromise.  Occasionally we will splurge and get take away or go to the club for dinner.

I just don’t buy it when people say they can’t get out of debt.  Getting out of debt takes discipline, determination, and sacrifice.  People think we are crazy for living the way we do…but to us, it’s only 4 years out of our life.  4 years of sacrifice to be able to have a much better life in the end.  However, paying off the loan and being out of debt is not the only reward in this whole ordeal.  We’ve learned so much about how to appreciate the little things, and about what’s really important in life.  Money and material things are nice, but they aren’t what make/keep us happy.  We know that there is not a goal we can not achieve as long as we give ourselves a reasonable amount of time in which to achieve it.  I hope that even if we end up being super successful when we open the dance studio, that we instill in our Daughter the appreciation and discipline we have learned from living like college kids to pay off this loan.  If we can do it, anyone can do it.

what it’s taught me

The morning after I got married I literally felt different.  There was a sense of peace…a security in knowing that I’d never go through anything alone…and almost 3 years in, I haven’t.  The same thing happened the moment I held my warm, wet, perfect daughter for the first time.  I watched with tear filled eyes as they poked her with a needle for the first time, and I finally understood what “it hurts me more than it hurts you” meant.  If I could bottle a feeling it would have been that first moment when I picked her up for the first time…the sweet combination of amazement, exhaustion, triumph, and instant undeniable love.  My Daughter’s birth did more than bring a new life into the world and change a woman into a Mother…it proved that I can trust myself, and my body, to do anything.  In my life, I have never been one to let anyone hold me back.  I’ve never let anyone else’s negativity or disbelief keep me from doing something.  (My Brother was good for this: he always encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to do)

Funny, my Brother continues to encourage me as I find myself on the other side of his death – a normal, functioning woman who can still manage to find beauty in a world I thought I’d never find beauty in ever again.  I’ve learned that emotionally there is nothing I can not get through after losing him.  My Daughter has taught me that after 13 hours of non-medicated labor (what is supposed to be the more painful thing a woman can experience), there is nothing I can not physically endure.  Graduating college Cum Laude after countless all-nighters, teachers who make you cry, disappointments, and priceless friendships, has taught me there is not a challenge I can not over come.  Even the massive loan that came with school has been beneficial – it has taught me that there isn’t a goal I can not achieve.  Moving to a country on the other side of the world, adopting a new culture & starting my own business has taught me to believe in myself.  All of those failed relationships and broken hearts taught me how to respect myself and led me to marry a man that respected me just as much.

So when I think about how I am ever going to be a good enough Mother to my baby girl, I think about all of these things and I know I will figure it out.  When people respond to our plans of opening a dance studio with comments weighted with doubt, I can’t help but laugh as they obviously have no idea what we’ve already overcome/accomplished in life and there is not a doubt in my mind about our ability to pursue this dream.  When I think about it…there’s nothing in life I have committed to doing that I have not accomplished — and I take great pride in that.  I am content.  I am happy with all that I have, all that I have learned, and all the possibilities that lie ahead….and that, well, that is something that all the money in the world can’t buy.