okay

Ok, Okay.  We’ve got this.  We’re going to be fine.  Everything is going to be ok, I think.

We spent the weekend on the farm – otherwise known as my parent’s house.  My Step-sister came down, or over rather…from South Carolina.  That was a really positive note of the weekend.  I can’t believe she’d never even met my Husband.  It’s been WAY too long.  There was visiting, and anniversaries…home-made chicken pot pie that was to absolutely delish.  Is it appropriate to post a recipe in a post about cancer?  I’ll save it for the end.  Anyway…there was four-wheeling and zombie-game playing…cult-like prayers from church members in the living room while all of us “kids” swapped “what in the hell is going on?” looks.

Tanami & her Auntie Jessica

anniversary love

these donkeys just randomly appeared one day

they're pretty though

zombies

Monday morning we all piled into a tiny Dr. office.  It was indeed confirmed, he had cancer.  We were told it was in his Lymph nodes and that he had spots on his lungs that they weren’t sure whether was cancer or not.  He offered a guess of a Stage C (Which would have to be at least a Stage III C) He was looking at a 50% survival rate.  Ouch.  There were positive words said though, like the fact the chemo would be a low dose and he wouldn’t even be too sick to work.  We piled out of the office, hugged, and went on with our lives.

The Oncologist appointment was today, which only the parents attended.  He sang a different tune than the original Dr.  This guy says he isn’t positive it’s in the lymph nodes, and with what they know at the moment, we are only looking at Stage I.  I hope he is right, but I just don’t know if he is.  They are going to be doing some more tests to find out if the cancer is anywhere else.  He’ll have radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks, and the strongest treatment of Chemo.  This Dr. made it sound like even though he would not be able to carry on with working and such, he’d be totally fine, and surgery at the end will only be a precaution to keep it from coming back.  I’m inclined to believe this Dr. over the other since he is an Oncologist, but after hearing such grim news before I’m skeptical.  Skeptical, but hopeful.  Tests next week will determine whether or not the Cancer is in any other parts of the body, and exactly what stage we are looking at.  Treatment starts next week….fingers crossed all goes well and he is healthy and cured by Tanami’s 1st Birthday.

Speaking of the little lady…she has finally been approved for health insurance!  What a load off!  Today was her first appointment with a Pediatrician for a well-baby check.  Love the Dr., he’s a hoot.  Tanami weighs 20lbs, and has dropped in her weight percentiles now that she is running all over the place.  He says she’s super healthy and quite physically advanced for her age.  She’s a perfect little girl.  Always good news to hear.  She’ll go back after her first birthday for her next round of shots.

love these cheeks

I almost forgot that recipe!!

one whole chicken – boiled in chicken broth with celery & onions (or how ever you would normally prepare your homemade chicken broth)

one can cream of mushroom soup

one can cream of chicken soup

mixed veggies ( I use corn, carrots, and peas )

2 pie crusts

1. boil the chicken – let cool and pull off the bone.

2. mix both cans of soup, veggies, chicken, and a few large spoons full of broth from the chicken together.

3. place pie crust into glass pie pan and pour mixture into pie crust.

4. place 2nd pie crust over the top and “seal” the sides.  add a few slits on the top for steam to escape.

5. bake on 350 for about 30 minutes, or until crust is golden brown.

 

the “c” word…

My blog has a eerie way of foreshadowing life-changing events in my life.  Yes, it is important to take notice of those around you that are healthy today…because tomorrow you could be sitting in the DMV ticked off at the clerk because they won’t let you get a license without your passport (WTF), when you get the call.
The one that has a blubbering, hysterically crying woman on the other end that you think is about to tell you that your ill Grandpa has passed away but instead slaps you in the face with words like Cancer, Radiation, and Chemotherapy.  And you know in that moment that things will never go back to the way they were just 5 minutes before because you now know your Step-Dad has Colon Cancer.

Last week was my Uncle’s funeral who died from Throat Cancer…he is the 3rd person in my family to die from it.  Since we’ve been back to the States, I’ve lost 2 family members and the woman who ultimately introduced me to my Husband to Cancer.  Dear life: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

We won’t know how bad it is until Monday as he is having a bone scan and x-rays done today.  He’s been having bad hip pain for a while and there is concern that it has reached his bones.  All of this comes with their 19th wedding anniversary on the 26th.  Great gift, eh?  There’s already talk about who’s going to be taking care of him after surgery, how he’s going to get to Dr. appointments, and so on and it’s all just coming so ridiculously fast to someone that would rather just pretend none of it is happening.

Between my parents and my Grandparents there is just a lot going on in my family at the moment that is going to greatly impact my little family’s life now, and in the future.  So many “What if’s”.  What is his quality of life going to be like if he beats it?  What if he doesn’t make it?  What will happen to my Mom who will  soon be left with me and my family as her only living relatives?  And selfish or not, I can’t help but think is this going to doom us into staying in a country that we don’t want to live in?

So, when people think that I am crazy because I want to buy organic food, avoid cancer-causing agents, use natural cleaning products, or whatever other crazy lengths I will go to protect my family, THIS IS WHY.

 

 

we’re the black sheep

I’m not one to ask for help.  My first day of college I was literally living out of my car.  My puppy, me, and everything that I owned were crammed into my little 2 door coupe.  Luckily I had a good friend that insisted that I stay with him until I got things sorted out.  There was a time when I was down to nothing but a single can of green beans in my cabinet…but still, asking for help – especially from my parents – never crossed my mind.  There was a time when I was without a car that I walked to and from work in a shady part of atlanta in the middle of the night (I was a server at a sports bar)…but wouldn’t ask a co-worker for a ride home because I didn’t want to burden him.  I’m not too proud to ask, I just feel like I should do things on my own.

Things change when you have a baby. You ask when you need things for your baby.  So my grandparents have a massive house in TX that is currently sitting there doing nothing but rotting away and being eaten by mice because no one is living in it.  Yes, it is in the middle of no where and finding work would be difficult, but it is still a nice safe place to live in a time in our life where we have no where to live.  I asked my Grandpa if we could stay there…he said yes, but my mom wouldn’t be happy because we wouldn’t be living close to her.  I asked my mom, and she said it was up to my grandpa…and since then it has just been taboo to talk about it.  They want to rent it out — to a complete stranger — rather than let us live there because we would be too far away.  (These are the same parents that told me how selfish I was for wanting to stay in Oz for a few more months so I could pay a bit more on my student loan and get Tanami’s shots).  My parents just returned from a trip where they went there to get items for my grandparents and try to find a property management company to rent out the house, but they couldn’t find one.  So now, there is no plan.  The house is just sitting there with no one to rent it and it is still full of my grandparent’s things.  I asked if they could bring back the washer/dryer for us to use….but no, we are not allowed to use those either.  They would rather them sit there in the house and go to ruins than let us use them.  Same goes with my grandpa’s car.  The man can not drive and the car sits in the drive way while we have one car that is on it’s last leg.  Did I mention it was smoking from the steering wheel with other day?  But no, I’m not even allowed to drive his car to go to Walmart.  Did I also mention that I am the only family member who is not included in my grandparent’s Will?  My Brother was always being bailed out.  Credit card debt, college, cars, whatever…he got it.  I am extremely careful with money, don’t get myself into debt, and have put myself through school.  Oh, and do you think anyone offered to pay for the green card that was misplaced before we even got here?  Nope.  We just forked out $450 of money we weren’t expecting to pay.  I cook for everyone, I clean up after everyone, I do everyone’s laundry.  I take my grandpa to the Dr., I take care of my baby, and I am starting my own business.  Still, everyday I am greeted with negativity as soon as they walk through the door.  Dinner is rarely “good” enough, or actually it is too good as in too “healthy” for them.  Not a single time has anyone taken an interest in my life.  Not in my past like what I experienced in Australia – not in my present like what it is I am doing with my new business – and not in my future like what it is we are trying to accomplish in our life.  We’ve done some pretty great things, and we’ve got some pretty ambitious plans for the future.  I feel like the black sheep of the family.  I was always told my grandparent’s house could never be sold so that if there came a time when someone needed a place to go it would always be there.  I guess that “everyone” didn’t include me and my family.

I gave up what I would consider a perfect life in Australia to come back to the States for my Husband’s citizenship.  We chose to come to TN in order to help out my family, but everything we were told to expect has not turned out as promised.  So I’m changing my thinking.  From now on, I am living my life for me, my daughter, and my husband.  WE come first.  What is best for US is what we are going to be doing.  When he gets his citizenship, if it is better for us to go back to Australia, you better believe we are going to be on the first plane out of here.  I’m miserable here, and I miss Australia.

A commencement speech Steve Jobs made comes to mind:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

I have the courage to follow my heart and intuition.  I will do whatever it takes to live a happy and successful life — I see nothing wrong with this.  I think this is what sets me apart from the mass population.  So many people are trapped in their lives.  Either they are in debt, held down with children, held back by fear, or just plain don’t have the motivation to make things happen in their lives.  Even through all of those things, there is always a way.  If you want something, the only thing holding you back is yourself.  “In a world full of people, only some want to fly.  Isn’t that crazy?”  

We’ve made it this far in life doing things the hard way.  We’ve got each other’s back even if no one has ours.  We’re the black sheep.

help!!

Ok, normally it does not bother me that people silently read and then carry on about their day without leaving a comment….but today….today I need comments!  Help me brain storm!

My lovely Mother has misplaced Mat’s green card.  We had to have it mailed there as our permanent address and she was/is going to mail it to us.  She got it mid-June and “put it somewhere so it wouldn’t get lost”…and she has forgotten where that “somewhere” is.  Naturally, one would just think to file to replace the card, but it’s not that easy.  Filing to replace the card costs $450 and requires biometrics and a possible interview.  Thus, we must be in the US to file for the replacement…and we can’t get into the US without the green card.  We are already walking a thin line by coming back after being gone so long.  We are having to bring back up documentation of our ties to the states to avoid the US gov’t taking away Mat’s green card at the airport and putting him back on a plane.  Seems ridiculous when you think about all of the illegals who live in the US!

So I’m making lists of possible places to look – no suggestion too silly or out there…I’m open to anything.  She has said they have looked and looked in all the obvious places, but it has got to be there somewhere.

Where do you keep your important documents?

today = epic fail.

Somewhere, in the depths of the Universe’s “spam folder”, lies my little message pleading for a calm productive day today.  When I am still awake at 2am poking a pacifier into a little mouth every 5 minutes for the last 3 hours I know that things are not going to be bright and cheery in the morning.  It doesn’t help that I am the type of person that carries emotions from my dreams into my waking life either.  **If you piss me off in my dreams – watch out – I’ll be mad all day.  I have no idea why this happens**  So I woke up already in a funk because of a restless night of sleep full of angry dreams.  I then gathered my scattered brain, and bouncing baby girl, and headed out to get things done.

We arrived in the parking garage of Belconnen mall and almost had a head on collision with some idiot that doesn’t know how to follow the painted arrows.  I don’t care what language you speak – if you can’t read an arrow you don’t need to be driving.  It took me ten minutes of fussing around with the ERGO to get Tanami in it properly, and then we were off.  I had recently gotten a bill in the mail for a test Tanami had done – this is very rare as usually it goes directly to Medicare.  So lucky me, I got to take it to them myself for them to pay it.  I get outside of the Medicare office inside the mall and pull out the bill so I’d have everything ready.  OH NO!  I’ve grabbed the wrong paper!!  Ok, that’s alright…it’s not due until next Thursday, I’ll just do it another day.  I grab a few more things and leave there to go to another shopping center to get my groceries.  We’re cheap – I go where it’s the least expensive.

Somewhere between Woolies and Aldi we lost one of our precious burp cloths.  While this might not seem like a big deal to most people, it is a big deal to the person who has a human shaken coke can strapped to her chest just waiting to spew at any chance.  You would think that in the middle of a super market someone would notice when someone drops something…and they might inform that person about it.  But no such luck.  I stopped into the post office (because they are all located in the shopping centers) to get a self-addressed envelope to mail to Sydney as one of the requirements for Tanami’s passport.  I get to the counter after finally figuring out what it was I needed only to be told that there was a $10 minimum for check cards.  Damn it.  I thought I’d just grab cash out of the car and run back in once I finished the grocery shopping.

By the time we got to Aldi, I was covered in recycled milk and was lugging a now screaming baby with real tears.  She never has tears when she cries – until today.  So I take her out of the carrier, the one thing that had hid my nasty clothes from the world, and carried her big self all over the store muttering something about putting her back in the car and leaving her there for the sake of my sanity if she didn’t stop crying.  You may recall my complaint about the shopping carts here as all of their wheels turn which makes it very difficult to steer with one hand.  So now I’ve propped this 2 month old baby on the hand bar to try to steer the bloody thing straight and I’m dropping things and god forbid someone offer to help the frazzled vomit covered woman with a screaming baby pick up the cans she just knocked over.  Of course, I had to pick the one grocery store that makes you bag your own groceries.  So I lay my crying baby on the bagging counter and bag my groceries while everyone stares at me like I am the worst mother on Earth.  Again – thanks for offering to help.  By this point, there is no returning to the post office for the envelope – it will just have to wait.

I get home and figure since I didn’t get the medicare stuff done, and I still don’t have the envelope to send to Sydney, at the least I could get our taxes done.  You have got to be kidding me the tax program only works on Windows.  AGAGAHAHAGAH.  For some reason I can not get my internet to connect to my windows side of my mac when using parrallels.  I waste another hour or so trying to figure that out before giving up.  I then decide to do it by paper…and realise I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.  Another thing left undone.

Today = Epic fail.  I had a hot shower, a hot milo, and a dose of Sex in The City.  We’ll try it all again tomorrow.